Smash hits yearbook
Who are you then?
Who am I? I'm Mr Andrew Ivan Bell, 25 years
old, of London NW3. I'm a
What have you got in your
Uh. There's some cauliflower, some milk,
Flora, some Indian. A little Indian
boy haha.(?) My fridge is always pretty
much well stocked. I usually go
shopping for food every day because I don't
often go for a big Sainsbury's
blow-out or anything.
Have you ever written an angry
letter to a magazine or "news"paper?.
Yeah, I have. It got completely ignored. It
was after I went to see Phantom
Of The Opera. There was this woman there
wearing a huge fur coat made out of
about 24 baby foxes with all their heads
and tails and paws and things. It
was gross. She thought she was dead
glamorous. So I wrote a letter to the
Evening Standard about it, saying how
disgusting it was. They didn't print
Do you have any interesting
Yeah, I've got one on my chin from when I
fell off my bike. And I've got an
appendix scar.That was from when one time
when I felt really ill and the
doctor came around and told me I had flu.
The next day I was even worse, so
I walked down to the casualty ward of my
local hospital and they took me in
straight away and took my appendix out that
very night. It was quite good
afterwards because it was like being on a
health farm for a week. I've never
looked so good!. It was like I'd had a
deeply religious experience..
Whose is the most famous person's
autograph that you have?
The most famous person?. Madonna. I had it
sent to me from one of my friends
who works with her sometimes in LA. It just
says " To Andy and Paul, lots of
Do you always give money to
people in the street who're collecting for
Not to people who're collecting for
charity, but if there's someone standing
there who looks really dirty, as though
they need a meal, then I'll give
them some money. Or if somebody asks me for
a cigarette then I'll usually
give them what's left in my packet. I give
money to some charities, if it's
for environmental or AIDS charities or
cancer research, but I never give
money to the Salvation Army or all that
Have you ever woken up
I think I might have done. Yeah probably.
Or woken up singing or summat. I
sing in my sleep. Actually, I have woken up
laughing, now I come to think of
it. I was laughing so loud I woke myself up
Have you ever been
I haven't been arrested. I've been with
lots of people who've been arrested
but I haven't managed to get myself
arrested - yet. We went to a Gay Pride
march in Rugby and all sat in the middle of
the road and the police came
along and started dragging people off by
the hair. It's funny though because
most of the people there didn't have enough
hair to grab hold of.
When was the last time you were
I can't remember. It must have been over a
year ago. It's always drink or
bad food that makes me sick. I like to get
it over and done with though.
It's always the feeling before you're sick
that's worst, rather than
actually being sick, isn't it?
Are you afraid of
No, I love it. I just think it's like being
on a rollercoaster and when
we're landing I just feel like putting my
hands up in the air and
screaming!. I just think "If we crash,
that's cool". I wouldn't care, not
unless I was maimed for life or summat.
I've been in one plane that dropped
about 100 feet in the sky. That was pretty
scary, but at least I know what
it feels like to be plummeting towards the
Have you ever had your fortune
Yeah, I have, I had it told to me by my
best friend when I was a teenager.
He had tarot cards and he said I would end
up joining one of the services,
like the Air Force or something. Then I had
it told in New York last year.
They just said stupid things like " There
are two loves in your life and
you're going to have to choose between
them" and "You're going to have four
kids" and rubbish like that.
Who first told you about the
birds and the bees?
My Mum, sort of. She made me watch a sex
education programme on TV and told
me I could ask questions afterwards. I
found it quite boring haha.
When was the last time you
blubbed in public?
I dunno. Probably when I was a kid. I don't
usually do it in public. I do it
in private. I haven't cried for a few
months now. The last time was when
everything was getting a bit much for me.
The usual stuff.
Have you ever peed in a bus
Not in a bus shelter, no, but up alleyways
and in bushes. All the time. Do I
ever worry about being caught?. No, I don't
, I just worry about getting it
caught in me zipper haha!.
When was the last time you went
It was when I first joined Erasure. I went
to Westminster Cathedral to say
"thanks a lot" and light a few candles and
take in some of the incense. I
think it's good to pop into a church every
five years or so, just to
Have you ever phoned up one of
the perv phone lines in Sunday Sport?
No. They're just silly. I phoned up a Kylie
Minogue phone line once to hear
her ' Hand On Your Heart' single. It was
something unusual to do, I suppose.
How often do you listen to your
Quite a lot. I get off on them in the
beginning and then I get sick of them
after ages and ages. Then I have to listen
to them two or three years later
and try and get into them again. But that's
quite hard because you've
usually out - listened them by then. I've
always got 12"s and albums at home
so I can give them away to
What's 12 x 8 divided by
12 x 8...64...8! No...76, no...um, 86, no.
Vince, do it on your
calculator!... ( Rather lengthy pause
)...15, no, 16!. I didn't cheat. They
all use calculators at school
Have you ever been to the
No. I wouldn't mind seeing the Earth from
the Moon though. I don't know if
I'd fancy hanging around on the moon
though. It's much too dusty...
Would you want to live
I don't know. I suppose we're all spirits
and we can all see what's going on
after we die. We're all energy. I don't
think I'd want to live forever
because I wouldn't want to experience it,
but I'd like to be around in a
spiritual sense to see what's going on. I
don't want to be a ghost, no. Just
a particle, maaan!.
This interview is also available at Mark's
Pursuit Of Erasure Page with some
extra comments at the end from moi!!